Seriously hard to believe it's been a whole year without my Mom...I miss her every day.

Journal reads:
I woke up this morning and fully intended to feel horrible.*To be hit with a feeling of “today’s the day” - a kind of overwhelming sadness that has come in waves over the last months.*It’s been one year since my mom died.*Grief is an unpredictable thing, and I was surprised to wake up feeling the same as I felt yesterday, sad but not depressed.*Lonely, but not alone.
I suppose I’m lucky that I didn't have to watch her deteriorate or suffer, but I never had the chance to tell her that I love her one last time or to say goodbye.*As time has gone by, those three days she spent on life support have slipped further into the recesses of my brain, but there are some things you never can forget.*I have chosen not to think about the moment we stood by her bed and made that decision to let her go, but today I can’t seem to stop thinking about that moment in time.*Standing with my dad and my brother and sister, holding her hand and watching her take her last breath.*I can remember every second of those few minutes as if they were their own lifetime.
Throughout the last year I have often wondered when things will get back to normal.*When I’ll feel entirely like myself again, and life will resume its peaceful and monotonous routines.*The last few months, with the passing of Dad, have brought some major changes in our family, changes that I have no control over, and I realize that we all have to find our own new normal.* My Mom was the glue that kept my family together. She was the caretaker, the sister, the wife, the mother and the best friend.*These holes in our lives will never be filled, but I am trying to fill the emptiness with happy memories.*Focusing on giving my kids what my mom gave to me - a confidence in myself, in my abilities, and the feeling that I was always safe and loved, no matter what.